Changeless
by Lauren-sama
Summary: [OLD] First person introspective- Lina ponders the past after she's defeated Darkstar. This fic created under the influence of Post-Try Depression Syndrome.


Disclaimer: I don't own Slayers. Nope.  
  
This fic/introspective was created under Post-Try Depression Syndrome, and I suppose it may be a bit depressing at the beginning. It's from Lina's point of view, and takes place a little after Try; I suppose it contains spoilers for the series. I hope it's good... ^^ Reviews will be highly appreciated!  
  
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As of late, I've been thinking waaay too much. I hate it. It has the habit of getting me depressed, and I'm not one to get depressed. That would be a Zel' thing, not a Lina' one.  
Of course, Gourry wouldn't have the same problem- if anything, he doesn't think enough. If I didn't know better, I'd think he'd forgotten this entire episode.   
But I can't get it out of my mind.  
Why can't I forget about it, anyway? I mean, it's not like we did anything wrong. The day was saved, the villain was killed, and everyone lived happily ever after, right?  
Well, kind of, anyway.   
Was the villain really destroyed? Come to think of it... Was there even a villain? Erulogos didn't really care about our world, and he died... But his tactics were self-preservatory in the end. That supreme elder person was a real jerk, and he died too; but he wanted this world to be saved. Darkstar-Valgaav?- well, one of the two was bent on destroying the world... but... could he have been right, after all? With the whole purification thing? Maybe he had a point... Maybe the world should have been purified... Maybe I was wrong...   
I really hate thinking that. I hate being wrong, I really do. A part of me completely rebels at the thought that I didn't make the right decision, but- it's getting harder and harder for me to ignore.  
If I hadn't existed, none of that would have ever happened. I was the one who led to the death of Gaav, I suppose... I was the one who killed Phibrizo. If I hadn't been there, the barrier wouldn't have gone down; Darkstar probably wouldn't have come in the first place; Valgaav wouldn't have wanted to destroy the world. None of that would ever have happen if it wasn't for me...  
But it all happened, and now Darkstar is destroyed, Valgaav's reborn, a whole lot of Golden Dragons are dead, and everyone went home. We're all split up now... And thinking about that freaks me out even more than pondering my decision.  
When I think of what everyone's doing now, it's like nothing ever happened. Like everything I ever did with the gang never occured.  
Filia's living peacefully in her shop, which she probably would have done before anyway- her love for pottery and her mace make that obvious. She's met a few new friends, she looks at the world a bit differently, but other than that nothing is different. Distance and business doesn't allow her to come visit us.  
Zel's alone, depressed, and searching for his cure, just like before. I don't know where he is, or what he's doing- of course he wouldn't keep in touch.  
Before she ran into us, Amelia was just the princess of Saillune, living in her castle- and now she's back there, doing exactly what she did before she knew any of us. She's too busy to come and see us, or even write letters.  
Xellos is back to his secret mazoku agenda; I suppose he's not assigned to watch me anymore, because I haven't seen him since Darkstar's defeat.  
And Gourry and I are just blowing up bandit gangs and searching for restauraunts. We certainly haven't changed at all.  
Who knows- maybe, if this continues, everyone will forget about me, and I'll forget about them. We've had so many great adventures together; but that didn't seem to change anything. It's not fair. Three years of my life were spent for nothing. Absolutely nothing.   
What's the point, anyway? Why do anything if it won't matter in the least, hasn't mattered at all so far?  
I noticed that Gourry had stopped eating and was looking at me. Hey Lina, why are you looking so sad all of a sudden? he asked curiously.  
Oh, it's nothing... I replied halfheartedly.   
Tell me what you're thinking about.  
Oh, I was just wondering... I explained. Suddenly, I couldn't stand holding in my thoughts any longer, and spilled them out. Gourry, do you ever get the feeling that everything we've done hasn't ever really mattered? That nothing's changed?  
Looking up, he spent a minute considering this. I sighed a little, my depression re-consuming me.  
he suddenly replied, looking back. I glanced up at him abruptly, a bit startled.   
Something has changed, he continued. Looking at me, he smiled. I'm traveling with you now.  
My eyes widened with surprise as I realized the fact, and I involuntarily blushed.   
Of course things had changed. How could I have overlooked it? Slowly, a smile began to creep over my face.  
You're right... I admitted.   
Then, looking down, I noticed that there seemed to be a few less articles of food on my plate then there had been a few minutes ago.   
I growled, observing him cringe under my evil glare. YOU ATE MY CHICKEN!  
I thought you weren't going to eat it! he objected.  
That's no excuse! I argued back. In order to make up for it, you have to give _me_ all of the fish on your plate!  
But that's way more than what I took! he protested, as I lunged for the kill.   
~*~  
Hey, Gourry, I suddenly spoke an hour later as I looked up at him. I just got an idea. He stopped walking and looked at me.  
What is it, Lina?  
We are going to have a reunion! I announced boldly. I'm gonna invite everyone! It'll be great! I declared with excitement. Gourry smiled.  
Sounds like a good idea, he replied.  
I nodded. Of course it is! It's been way too long since I've seen everyone- heck, I'm even gonna invite Naga!  
he asked curiously.  
Old traveling buddy, I explained. You haven't met her... And I warn you, when you do, buy earplugs. She has a laugh fit to kill. Come to think of it, I should probably put earplugs' on the list of things to bring... And presents! Everyone has to bring a present for me! I added excitedly.  
I'm not going to let _anyone_ forget about the most important person this world has ever seen!


End file.
